so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
