My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
