i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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