Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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