the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
