It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
