Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize