awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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