i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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