Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
