you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
