This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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