Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
