That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
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it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
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The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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