you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
