Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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