11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
