bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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