This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i need some magic done to my vagina
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
