I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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