I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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