its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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