Soap is not a condiment
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.