Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow