Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
