It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
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I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
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Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing