i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
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Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up