my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.