Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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