i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
