I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
