those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
