I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
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Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
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Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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