I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just puked most of my soul out..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
