i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
