Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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