i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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