Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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