I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
