see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
