OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
