and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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