Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
