He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
