She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
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i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
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I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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