She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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