They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
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I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
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Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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