remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Naked. naked and bneed help.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
