I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
