did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
