I am in a vortex of obligation.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
