***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
