Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
