i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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