he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
