It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
