I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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