Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
