my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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