you turned your livingroom into a bong?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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