it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
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Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
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She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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