It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
