Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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