He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My vagina just recognized that song.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
