Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
