try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
