Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
