they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
